


the human dysfunction of amorous inclination

by kismetNemesis



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Face-Sitting, Pre-Canon, Smut, TAZLadyWeek, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 08:34:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9811499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kismetNemesis/pseuds/kismetNemesis
Summary: Lucretia takes a "rest" during Wonderland, and Lydia joins her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tazladyweek day 5, angst! This isn't that angsty, but it's sure something.
> 
> I will say they do have sex while in Wonderland. Lucretia is fully into it, but I guess you could say Lydia is in a position of power over her, so if that bothers you, be warned. Really, though, this is entirely Lucretia's choice, she's into it.

Lucretia was beginning to think that she had maybe fucked up. 

She and Cam were three rounds deep in Wonderland, and the place was taking its toll. She knew she’d lost some memories, some skills; she was bleeding from at least eight different places. Cam was beginning to eye her with hurt, verging on mistrust. This had all been her idea, after all.

It would be worth it. It had to be worth it.

At least this round seemed like a softball. 

“Lucretia, what makes a good hero?” asked Edward, jamming the microphone towards her face. She flinched, hating herself for showing a little bit of weakness. 

“A good hero is someone who does everything she can for the greater good.” The fake audience didn’t move, but Lucretia knew she was right. No cost was too high, no sacrifice too big to save the world. It hadn’t made her a lot of friends.

“Cam, what makes a good hero?”

“Um, being good at magic? What’s the point of this?” Black mist poured out of Cam’s mouth. Lucretia rolled her eyes. 

“It’s a game, darling,” said Lydia, flipping her dark hair and vanishing, only to appear behind Lucretia. “Lucretia’s playing along, why can’t you be like her?” Lydia laid a hand on her shoulder, and Lucretia didn’t know whether to shove it off or lean into it. She wasn’t even sure which would be “playing along.” 

“Our suitor has chosen!” announced Edward. “Lucretia, congratulations! You’ve won their heart!”

“Who can blame them?” asked Lydia. “She’s quite the catch!” Her hand trailed further up Lucretia’s neck, which threatened to give her an actual heart attack. 

“Fucking fantastic,” Lucretia finally managed to say. “Do I get some kind of tangible reward from this?”

“No!” 

“Of course not.”

“Next is the bonus round!” announced Lydia, finally teleporting to join Edward by the door. “Please join us in the next chamber.”

Lucretia glanced at Cam, who shrugged and did as the elves suggested. The lack of discussion was worrying, but Lucretia took a deep breath and followed him into the blackness. 

The next room featured three small stages, labelled “Escape Game,” “Healing Game,” and “Rest.” 

“Choose whichever looks most appealing,” said Edward. Cam started towards the Escape stage, but Lucretia laid a hand on his arm. 

“Not yet. We have to try a little more. Next time?” Cam gave her a long look, but finally nodded. 

“Rest, then? Neither of us are hurt that badly.” It was true, they were both scratched up, but it was nothing beyond what would happen in a normal battle. They climbed onto the Rest stage and watched the other two disappear. 

“Excellent!” said Lydia. “In Rest, you will rest for one hour. However, you will not recover any spell slots, and any spells that you have on that last more than an hour will fade. Sound good?”

“Sounds not completely awful,” admitted Lucretia. Maybe she could use this as a chance to get Cam back on her side.

“And you’ll be separated.” Before either of them could protest, Lydia snapped her fingers, and everything went dark. 

When the light came back, Lucretia was alone in a featureless white room. She spun around, looking for friend or foe or door, but there was nothing. She sat down with a sigh. Respite was worth something at least.

“Lucretia,” sang a voice from behind her. There were fingers on her neck again. Lucretia forced herself to look straight forward.

“Lydia.”

 

“You better not have lied to me about resting.”

“Of course not, my dear.” Lydia’s breath was tickling the shell of her ear. “We all need a rest sometimes. Even me.” Lydia’s other hand stroked carefully down her shoulder, her long nails catching in the cloth of Lucretia’s robe. 

“A rest,” Lucretia repeated. 

“Mmhm.”

“Is this part of your game?” asked Lucretia, struggling to find the regular breath to speak. “Is there some kind of punishment for saying no?”

“Of course not. But I have a feeling you’re going to say yes.” Lydia pressed a kiss to Lucretia’s pulse, and that was all it took for the last of her resolve to break. She turned and took hold of Lydia’s chin, smashing their mouths together with a mix of desperation and aggression. 

Though the elf’s lips were an unnatural shade of purple, it didn’t feel like she was wearing lipstick. When Lucretia had to let her go for breath, she touched her own lips experimentally. No trace of any kind of pigment.

“I can look however you like, my sweet. It’s one of the benefits of... well, never mind that. Look.” Lydia gestured to herself, and her lips began to change color, strobing dizzily between shades of purple and green. She grinned and snapped her fingers, settling on a bright emerald. “I can do this, too,” she continued, and snapped her fingers again. Instead of her Heart Attack pantsuit, she now wore a garishly pink version of Lucretia’s own blue robe. 

“Take that off,” snapped Lucretia. 

“If you insist.” With a third snap, Lydia was wearing an elaborately strappy set of purple lingerie. “Better?”

As an answer, Lucretia crawled over to where Lydia was reclining and pushed her onto the ground, letting her hand linger on Lydia’s ample chest. 

“My my!” exclaimed Lydia. “Your girlfriend must be a lucky woman.” That brought Lucretia up short and made her think guiltily of Maureen, but they weren’t- she hadn’t _said_ -

Lucretia tugged harshly at Lydia’s bra and pushed one knee between Lydia’s legs, forcing herself to stay in the moment. She’d already made her decision. She wasn’t going to feel bad about it. 

Though she could have sworn it hadn’t before, Lucretia noticed that the bra now had a front clasp, which she undid with ease. She bent her head, finding a dark nipple and biting gently. Lydia gasped and wrapped her arms around Lucretia’s chest, shamelessly shoving her crotch into Lucretia’s thigh.

By the time Lucretia switched to the other nipple, both of them were breathing heavily. Lydia began undoing the clasp of Lucretia’s robe, but Lucretia caught her wrist and did it herself. She shed her robe, but then thought _fuck it_ and stripped completely, throwing her clothes into a heap with her bag. 

She’d had to let go of Lydia’s wrist to undress, but she found it again now and guided Lydia’s hand between her legs, straddling the elf and leaning down to kiss her. 

“I love a take-charge kind of woman,” purred Lydia. “But so do you, don’t you?” With that, she flipped their positions, forcing Lucretia onto her back but keeping her hand where it was. Lucretia couldn’t find it in her to complain as two (mysteriously short-nailed) fingers circled her clit. She spread her thighs open and pulled Lydia’s head close to her neck. 

Lucretia couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so turned on. Maybe it was the dangerous situation, the thrill of having sex with a stranger. Maybe it was Lydia’s unnatural beauty, but she’d been wet since Lydia had touched her for the first time. Now Lydia was having no trouble sliding a finger in as she bit Lucretia’s ear.

Between hip thrusts, Lucretia took the time to run a hand over Lydia’s ass. Her underwear had vanished, which was no surprise, and her skin was flawlessly smooth. Lydia’s lack of even remotely visible pores was lending a distinctly alien feel to the whole encounter.

Still, Lydia let out a pleased noise when Lucretia clenched her thighs together and dug her nails into Lydia’s back, coming with a sharp gasp. She held the elf close to her for a moment, trying to keep the larger context of Wonderland at bay, pretend that Lydia was just some impossibly beautiful woman she’d met at a tavern.

“Satisfied with your experience?” asked Lydia, horribly teasing. 

“Not yet,” Lucretia fired back, and found that it was true. Her body was already demanding more attention. “Do we have time?”

“I did promise you an hour.”

“Question,” said Lucretia carefully. “Do you need to breathe?” Lydia’s eyes narrowed.

“Trying to find out what I am?”

“I want to sit on your face.” Lucretia relished the microexpression of surprise that flitted across Lydia’s face, replaced by her signature predatory grin. 

“You can do that whether I can breathe or not, Lucretia.”

“Yes. But I have a feeling you can take, shall we say, rougher treatment than most.” For once, mercifully, Lydia didn’t say anything, simply lying back and raising an eyebrow. 

Lucretia walked over on her knees and then swung her legs into place, feeling momentarily self-conscious before Lydia’s lips touched her. She ground down onto her face without hesitation, setting the pace for herself and setting it at _fast_. At this point, she didn’t care if Lydia needed a breath. She’d deal with that after she was done.

Lydia’s tongue swept over her, prodding at her clit and making her hips twitch briefly out of time. She almost felt a need to scold her for disobedience. She was so high on being back in control that she was forgetting that she was probably fucking evil incarnate, or some kind of spirit, or something. All the pain from her injuries was momentarily forgotten, too, as she focused on getting what she wanted, which was another orgasm with efficient swiftness.

Instead of lying down, she stood up and walked over to her clothes, leaving Lydia breathing heavily, though not quite as heavily as Lucretia thought she should be. _Doesn’t need to breathe_. Hmm.

Lucretia pulled on her robe and turned to see Lydia in a different set of lingerie, a good ten feet from where she’d been. Gods, that was disorienting. 

“I didn’t get a turn,” she whined. 

“You seem fine with me taking the turns at the wheel,” Lucretia shot back, making sure that all her belongings were in order. Nothing was missing, thank the gods.

“So quick to get back to business,” said Lydia. Lucretia shrugged. She had a job to do, even now. “Oh, well. Maybe I’ll see you in a few rounds?”

Privately, Lucretia didn’t think she’d be here for much longer.

“Maybe.”

As she stepped through the next door, she heard Lydia’s laugh echoing behind her. 

She found herself in the sacrifice room, standing beside Cam. She gave him a weak smile, which he didn’t return. 

“Are you ready to spin?” said Edward’s voice, unseen.

“We don’t have all day!” said Lydia.

Lucretia spun. 

“Clock!” announced Lydia, as if Lucretia couldn’t see it. “Now, that’s a fun one!”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed my first smut for this fandom, LMAO. Leave me a comment if you like!


End file.
